Wednesday, January 19, 2011

2010 Sports Writing Part 4: Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods had sex with women who were other than his wife. They had big boobs. Tiger employed a celebrity pimp whose job was to offer a free weekend vacation to big breasted hotties in whatever location happened to host a golf tournament that weekend. They would end up at the same VIP party as Tiger, and who wouldn’t want to have sex with Tiger Woods? When Tiger pumped his fist after another victorious Sunday, his grin held the true glow of the alpha male; in one weekend he conquered the males and fucked the females. What a fine Tiger. But this Tiger got his power from an unfair world. We paid him a billion dollars a year to bask in his image of razor sharp success, and surrounded the truth of that success – the ruthless, animal, survival of the fittest – with the trappings of the life of our defeated culture. Tiger was the Ubermensch and we loved him for it, but we gave him a wife and kids to make him look more like pathetic us.

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