2010 Sports Writing Part 3: Uniforms

The Charlotte Bobcats changed their uniforms at the start of the 2009-2010 season. Instead of the orange road unis they had sported previously, the Bobcats adopted a pinstriped slate blue with checkered sidebars (in honour of North Carolina’s NASCAR addiction). The tragedy of this switch is not in the aesthetic of the new uniform – the effect is surprisingly pleasing, given the conceptual clutter – but in the loss of an orange team. After the neon craze of the eighties, professional sports uniforms have slowly regressed towards a ‘tasteful’ mean. All games are, at a fundamental level, red vs. blue, and any orange, purple, green, or pink teams feel left out. They seem like teams that came later and took the leftovers, and every team must present itself as a possible protagonist. Professional sports hope to cultivate fans who would never choose to play the outsider.

2010 Sports Writing Part 2: Gilbert Arenas

When Gilbert Arenas brought his four guns to work, he made perhaps the most expensive mistake involving firearms by a private citizen, ever. Gilbert, or “Agent Zero” as people called him back when he was exciting and good, had 80 million dollars left over four years of contract. Eighty million dollars to wobble around on reconstructed knees, throw up last minute shots, all the while preening and posturing with the knowledge that he met the man and took his money. The Washington Wizards, Gilbert’s unfortunately named employer, were doomed to mediocrity by Gilbert’s contract. They paid superstar money to a man with magic knees that went “pop” at the smell of ink on contract. But I want to commend Gilbert for meeting the man, taking his money, and making him look like a fool. Now let's just hope that the man doesn't find an excuse to not give Gilbert his booty.